“You didn’t know what you want. Just like your prada bag.”
No. Its not because I don know what I want. Its what I want. Then again, i am confused too. No wonder you are confused.
For months, I have been justifying the reason why I bought my Prada bag. No, I did not meet objections from anyone. I did not buy it secretly. I did not justify the reasons to anyone. I am trying to convince myself.
Ya, myself.
I don know how many of you reading this know I bought a Prada bag. But I did.
And I wonder why. Like many nights, I questioned myself again yesterday. Why did I buy it. I am disappointed with myself.
For mths, I have been lusting over my Prada saffiano bag. LUSTING. I keep thinking, pondering over the bag. Its obsession. I am IN LOVE with it, minus the price tag. Perhaps its the price tag that make ppl lust for it. Else, there is no need to lust over it.
I tell myself, I have been working for 2 years and I deserve a good quality bag. I am frustrated with the lousy quality bags with split and torn ends.
I should just reward myself. I need a decent bag. (I am doubting if its really that decent anyway. Really wont spoil meh?)
PRADA SAFFIANO IN CAMEO.
I really love it. In fact, that’s the only bag I wanted to buy. I do not like any other brand or model out there in the market. I only like this size and in this colour. Nth else tempts me.
Therefore, I asked my bestie to buy it for me in Europe.
When I finally received it, I wonder why I bought it.Why did I succumbed to temptation and buy it. Why. For a moment, I hated myself. I hated myself for being materialistic. I was battling with the demon within me.
Why did I spend $2k on that. Mama always tell me to spend within my means. To spend only for the necessity. (although I have a lot of clothes and its definitely not a necessity to buy another. But that’s another story. Apparels are way cheaper. They are 2 zeros cheaper.)
Since young, mama constantly reminds me, “Woman are materialistic and stupid enough to buy a $2k bag. With $2k, do you know how many things you can buy? Be practical lah. It’s all because of greed and for the sake of owning a branded bag. Want to have seh. I am rich. kind of mentality drives the lust of such bag” - Food for thought. Okay, i have been telling myself that since young. I am not gg to cross the line and step into this.
But you know sth? The most ironic thing is, my mama gave me the approval for having one. Yes, for buying the $2k bag. She is the one who told me, for the past 24 yrs of my life, humans should be practical. There are far more things in life that you can use the money with. Yet, she is perfectly okay with me buying. She eat back her words. Oh my holy. Is the sky actually dropping? (look up)
Even my XX gave me the approval to buy.
XX, who nv spend anything more than $100. Never. Never. Never. His shoes, wallet, bag were sponsored by me. Not that he is poor, he just don see the need for them. I am the one who wants to buy sth more expensive cause the quality is better. He does not see the need for so many different type of clothes hanging in the wardrobe. Or a different bag/shoes for a particular day. He refused to allow me to buy another pair for loafers for him cause his current pedro pair is still working good. oh, did I mentioned that I bought 3 yrs ago? ROFL.
And he refused to let me buy another – That’s my XX. There is just no need to spend on things that are not a necessity.
Truth is, with all the life insurance, braces, yoga, IPL installments – They add up to an amazing $900 per mth. XX has been planning our finances since donkey yrs ago to ensure we will have the money for our future.
It’s a miracle if my XX can spend $50 on buying things other than his usual transport and food. And I crazily spend $2 on a bag – I am guilty. No, that’s a very good gf.
Indeed, with all my crazy spending on nonsense, we belong to the 2 ends of the spectrum.
Then again, i don't really think my expenditures are that high - oh, is it?
It's just the sharp contrast between XX eng and XX Tan. He makes me appear like a spendthrift - At least, that's what i console myself.
But the 2 most practical person gave me the approval of stamp. Its seems incredible, in fact it’s a miracle. Is the sky falling again?
WOOHOO!!! So I happily went ahead. And then I received it.
No, it wasn’t what I expected.
I wasn’t that happy. One should be happy right? After all, it’s the bag I have been lusting for mths.
Or is it because lusting and physically owning it is different?
But I wonder why I bought that. Why am I so materialistic
.
For the 1000th time, mama and xx have been reassuring me that its really okay to have one. “It may cost $2k, but its really okay. You have alr bought it anyway. Look forward.”
But for the 1000th time, I questioned myself for taking the leap. Veron, why did you do that. You could have settled for sth way way way more cheaper (and still have a decent bag) and you wont have to end up fighting all the demons and self-inflicted doubts for having that non-living bag. Not that I have to eat grass or go on budget just to buy the bag, but I doubt my agenda for buying it.
Is it really because I want it?
Is it really because I can afford it? (No, I haven hit my targeted savings yet. After so long. #sian #chuiveron)
Or is it simply because I am becoming very materialistic?
Or is it because everyone around has a
Or, I am just feeling proud. See, I got a Prada and its cost $2k!!
Sigh. Sometimes, the sight of my bag scares me. It’s a reminder that I sent $2k on it.
That's a 4 digit number. I need to work hard for one month in order to buy that.
So as you are reading this, you said, “Since you have so many issues, JUST STOP THE CRAP AND SELL IT. Crazy woman”
No, I wont sell it. I am gg to make a loss from selling it - HOW CAN? I cant accept the fact that i am gg to make a loss. And then comes the next question, why should i?
Perhaps it because my bestie hugged it all the way from Europe and protect it with her life when she travelled alone. Or perhaps, I am just saving the little pride I have in me that, I can really afford it. I can afford that $2k – Its just a question of, is it really worth it?
One day, I will probably look back and start to count the amount of diapers I can buy in exchange of the bag. The amt of milk powder I can buy. The amt of bills I can pay with that.
But I refused to regret my purchase, cause I bought only because I am in love with it. There’s hardly a thing I actually love it that much. Yes, I know. It's a very contradicting thought. Its complex and complicated.
I should just do a research paper on it and analyse why ppl go after Brands.
I am supposed to love my bag right? It’s THE bag. The one I have been dreaming for months. There is no other bag that I really lust for. Nothing.
Even though its $2k and I have been labelled with my relatives or colleagues or anyone else secretly for purchasing one - Why so materialistic.
Its 2014. I should stop all these crap and reasoning; and start loving my bag. After all, its my baby. My one and only 4 digit baby I will ever have. I reckoned I can survive with that. One only ma?
Veron, love yourself more. Why are you so hard on yourself?
I am telling myself that everyday, every minute. Love myself. (Or did i love myself too much? HAHA)
I deserve that, thanks. (No pun intended.)
